Does my cat know that I know about the Chronic Catnip Company?
Unfortunately the answer is yes. Cats have many abilities that have baffled scientists for years. Many have argued that they posses a certain subtle yet eerily indefinable sense for their surroundings. Some have suggested they might even have psychic abilities. Either way, now that you know about the Chronic, your cat will read it all over your face. Failure to purchase our product immediately may lead to an increasingly uncomfortable tension in your living room. Your cat’s telltale leg rub may suddenly be replaced by an unnerving sense of intentional human leg avoidance. If you and your animal cross paths, raised and frazzled back hair should be your first sign that things have escalated to a dangerous level. From that point on you will need to watch your back. Of course any impending domestic crisis can be easily averted by simply treating your loyal and fun loving companion to a well deserved jar of the good stuff. Specifically we are referring to hooking up your frisky friend with the most powerful catnip blend ever conceived by man, the Crippler Catnippler™ custom chronic blend. If you wish to do otherwise there are several theories as to how one can attempt to proceed forward with a normal human/cat relationship. However regardless of what path you choose almost all experts agree that if you witness a soul searing stare emanating from your cats left eye only, this is a precursor to a violent attack and you should take a defensive position immediately.
Do I have to use PayPal to buy your product/I don’t have a PayPal account?
Even though we utilize a PayPal based merchant system, you do NOT need a PayPal account to buy our product. You can use any major credit card of your choice to purchase the world’s strongest catnip without having to register for PayPal. It’s easy to purchase our extremely powerful and unimaginably potent pure natural chronic catnip herb by simply clicking on the “add to cart” button and simply checking out. You will see a screen asking if you have a PayPal account, but you can enter your credit card information on the left and proceed without logging in / getting an account.
By the way, this means there is absolutely nothing standing between you, your credit card, and an impulsive and shockingly aggressive immediate catnip purchase. In fact, we highly recommend a large multiple jar order that far exceeds your actual catnip needs.
Is catnip safe to give to my cat?
Yes. Catnip is just a plant. When your cat smells this plant it becomes a happy cat. End of story. Our catnip happens to be all natural and organic as well.
Does the Crippler Catnippler™ custom chronic blend make a good gift for my cat, and/or the cat person in my life?
Of course! This is a one of a kind high end specialty product that any cat would truly cherish. Your cat is always there when you need its feline friendship, so when its party time for your ever present pal, how could you possibly give it anything less than the very best catnip in the world? Go all in, go for the Chronic!
How much Chronic is too much Chronic?
We do not understand your question; you can never have too much Chronic
How long do the effects of Chronic Catnip Last?
It depends on the particular animal to some degree, but approximately 15 -25 minutes. Now remember, this time frame reflects a chronic catnip high and inferior brands will produce shorter effects. Either way your cat will eventually lose interest in the nip, having “maxed out” its high. After the nip trip is over and due to factors not fully understood by man, your cat will now be unaffected by additional amounts of catnip for approximately two hours. After that period of time has elapsed Mr. Whiskers will be ready to rock once again. However please bear in mind that while in theory you could get little fluffy smashed every two hours, every day of the week, every day of its life, we do not recommend this option – (although your cat might). You should save the Chronic as a special treat for special occasions.
Can you smoke catnip and get high?
No you idiot! Catnip is for CATS!
Is buying catnip from The Chronic Catnip Company patriotic?
Most certainly. You are supporting USA small business, the backbone of our economy. Purchasing just one jar of our catnip represents approximately the same level of patriotism as knitting a American flag with both hands while making an apple pie with your elbows while ghost riding your pickup truck past the grand canyon on your way to a baseball game.
Should I buy some Chronic Catnip strictly as an investment?
Absolutely! There is no rational reason not to buy some Chronic. As fate would have it, we currently sit on the precipice of a historically unprecedented moment in time, one where every single economic expert is in complete agreement that we, as a nation, are about to experience a violently explosive and potentially unstoppable catnip bull market.
Now couple that knowledge with an organic blend as strong as The Chronic, and there is simply no telling how astronomically high the value of our nip may soar. The nice thing about this situation is that since all financial experts agree 100% that the price of catnip is about to mind-blowingly skyrocket beyond human comprehension, there is clearly no reason to consult with anybody before making a staggeringly enormous catnip purchase. In fact, you may want to contact us immediately for wholesale rates.
I am a very pragmatic consumer; can you give me some additional reasons why I should purchase the Chronic for my cat or as a gift for the cat lover in my life?
Have you ever found yourself trying to coax out a disgruntled or frightened cat from underneath a bed or couch? Wouldn’t be nice to have a bag of “instant cat retrieval” on hand? Because when you own the Chronic that’s exactly what you have. Simply spin open the lid of one of our jar’s and the very second the distinguished aroma of the worlds strongest catnip hits the air you had best back up – because a runaway tractor trailer of a cat is going to come barreling straight at you.
Mixing a little of our catnip into food will often entice a finicky feline to eat.
When you posses the chronic, you posses the singular item every cat in the world wants more than life itself. Therefore if you are clever, you can harness your newfound power to train your pretty kitty. Positive reinforcement is not just a city in China.Much like people, our older cat friends also suffer from many of the same aches and pains that afflict elderly humans. Older cats can be experiencing a lot of pain, whether you realize it or not. Since most cats lack the ability to speak, it’s not always easy to tell when they are hurting. An older cats increasing lack of “friskiness” may not only be a natural side affect of their age, but also a sign of underlying discomfort. The Chronic Catnip is medical grade relief for any aging kitty, and can truly help your cat live out its final years with a higher quality of life.
How much catnip comes in one of your “fat jars”?
Each fat jar contains about an ounce of Crippler Chronic Catnip blend.
How do I get my cat featured under “satisfied customers of the month”?
It’s a three step process for you to get your cat it’s 15 minutes of internet fame.
Step 1 – purchase some Chronic Catnip.
Step 2 – photograph or videotape your cat under the influence.
Step 3 – send your photo or video to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Also, it helps if your cat has a funny name and/or is particularly crazy looking.
I do not have a cat, yet I am still somehow considering purchasing a jar of your catnip…is that a smart thing to do?
Yes, you are obviously a very intelligent person. Traditionally most people will first obtain a cat, and then purchase catnip. However, that process is reactive in nature. The most successful people in life are proactive thinkers – and grabbing some Chronic now, in anticipation of future cat ownership…well that’s not only a smart move – it’s a power move!
How long does catnip stay “good” for?
Nepetalactone (the active ingredient in catnip) is UV sensitive. This means your windowsill is not the best place to keep your jar of Chronic. Also, do not keep your catnip anywhere that is very hot – it is best kept somewhere cool – like a cabinet. With that being said, as long as you do not store your catnip in direct sunlight, or keep it in your oven - it will pretty much stay “good” forever. Their have even been reports of catnip that is 50 years old having an affect on felines!
Hey, what the hell happened to your T Shirts?
They are back by major demand. Click here to go to our new apparel page!